Warning:
I'm going to lay it all out there in this post. This is a no holds barred account of the labor and delivery of my first baby. If you're squeamish, bothered by personal details, pregnant and freaking out about it (you know who you are), or otherwise sensitive to birth stories, you might NOT want to read on. But... if you're comfortable, feel free to read on. It's a long post, and I've done it more for my own journaling purposes than for anyone else, but I feel compelled to share with whoever is inclined to read on.
A few photo's as a buffer! :-)
It's taken me awhile to sit down and write this, though I've been thinking about it for 10 days. In fact, I was lying there in labor thinking about it. Getting Joanna here was a very LONG process. As most of you know Christian and I decided to start our family back in April 2006 and it's taken this long to finally get our baby. The infertility road was a long one, but now that I've made it through I'm glad for my experiences because they have made me more compassionate and increased my faith in Heavenly Father and in waiting on HIS timing. My miscarriages really messed me up for a long time. They ripped me to shreds. But Joanna's arrival has put the pieces back together and mended my heart in such a way that though there are scars, I know I'm better for the experiences I've had. I'm eternally grateful for my husband who stuck by me through it all. There are many men out there who would not have stuck by their wives through years of struggles to have children, through the depression, the anger (often directed at him unintentionally) and the general emotional turmoil his wife was going through. It could have torn our marriage apart, but he didn't let it. Since the first miscarriage back in January of 2007 I have NOT been the woman that he married, but now that I feel like I've FINALLY gotten ME BACK, I'm falling in love with him all over again because I know the past 2 1/2 years have NOT been EASY on him. I'm realizing more and more each day how lucky I am to have chosen him for my eternal companion (and yes, I have been telling him these sorts of things several times a day for the past week).
I have been procrastinating writing this story, mostly because parts are very difficult to relive. It's important that I write it though, so here goes. It's a LONG story, but it was a LONG 44 hour labor!
Our story begins on the afternoon of August 4th 2009, my due date , at about 3 pm(ok... so technically it starts one fall evening in November 2008, but you don't want THAT piece of the story... or do you? hehe....). By 40 weeks of pregnancy I was beyond DONE. I was uncomfortable (there's the understatement of the year), I was TIRED, I was CRANKY, I was HOT and SWOLLEN and as I said I was D-O-N-E, DONE, DONE, DONE, and DONE with being pregnant. I went to see my obstetrician, Dr Bryan Watabe, that afternoon for my 40 week check up at which point he checked my cervix and informed me that once again I hadn't made any progress toward labor in the last week. I was almost mad at him, though it wasn't his fault, I was just a VERY pregnant lady. He asked if I wanted him to strip my membranes, but told me that though it's often affective in second and subsequent pregnancies at starting labor in 48 hours, it wasn't consistent at all with first time pregnancies... but I went ahead and had him do it anyway. After a long talk about how long I could last in my current state and discussing all the options and all the risks vs. benefits, we decided to schedule an elective induction for Thursday August 6th. As I said, I just wanted to not be pregnant anymore. I left the office feeling scared, and nervous and excited that in a few days I would finally NOT BE PREGNANT... oh yeah, and I'd have a baby too. :-)
On the way home from the doctor I started feeling crampy. Not bad cramps, but just like mild menstrual cramps. This had happend with pelvic exams earlier in my pregnancy though, so I didn't think much about it. Throughout the day the cramps got gradually worse. I continued about my daily activities though: cooking, cleaning, talking to friends and family on the phone about the scheduled induction. By 5 pm though the cramps were starting to be much more intense (like bad menstrual cramps now) so I went to put my feet up and watch TV with Christain. It kept on like this for awhile, and then the contractions started. At first they were very mild and very much like my Braxton Hicks contractions, just slightly painful (the practice contractions were uncomfortable, but never painful). They progressively got worse, and by 10 pm I started timing them- 10 to 15 minutes apart- and I thought it was probably false labor and would go away if I layed down. I timed them on and off until about 3am, at which time I switched on the light and Christian (who hadn't really slept much anyway) rolled over and asked if it was time to go to the hosptial. I hemmed and hawed about it (I did NOT want to go too soon), but he could tell my contractions were getting very close together, and after timing them for 10 minutes they were VERY close, about 1 to 3 minutes apart. At this point, about 3:30am or so he finally convinced me we should go in and just get things checked out. We arrived at the hospital at about quarter to 4 and were taken back to triage. They confirmed that yes, my contractions were indeed about 1-2 minutes apart, checked me (2 cm and 80% still... basically where I'd been for WEEKS), and said they'd keep me to observe my progress for an hour and then make a decision about whether or not to admit me. After an agonizing hour (those contractions HURT) they checked me again and to my frustation my cervix hadn't changed AT ALL. I was given something for the pain, and sent home. I thought I'd be really frustrated at being sent home, but it was actually great. The pain meds took the edge off and I was able to finally get a few hours of sleep, get something to eat, and just rest and relax (and Christian cancelled his plans and got Greg to come over and keep us company and stay just in case things got exciting again). By about 3 pm though the meds wore off and the crampyness started again,leading to full blown contractions shortly. They were further apart when they started up again, about 10 minutes, and still manageable. Untill about 7 pm that is. They progressively got closer and closer together and at about 8:45pm or so I decided to page the on call doctor and ask her what to do. I was nervous about going in because I didn't want to be sent home again, but as I struggled to talk through contractions coming every 4 or so minutes she convinced me to go in, and promised that since I was schedule for induction in the morning they would admit me, start an IV and my epidural to get me comfortable. She said they wouldn't worry about breaking my water or starting pitocin until 5 or 6 am, but hopefully I'd be able to relax and rest if I was no longer in pain. So we went to the hospital at about 10 pm and everything went as planned. The epidural was NOTHING compared to the contractions, and once it kicked in I was smiling and talking and joking again.
I tried to get some sleep, but even with the epidural my nervous anticipation was keeping me awake. Christian also tried to sleep, but had a similiar experience. My cervix STILL hadn't changed much, but was 90% effaced. My labor progressed very very slowly, but I watched SCRUBS DVD's and text messaged friends and family and just tried to keep my mind off what lay ahead.
At about 20 minutes before 2 am (August 6th now) I turned off the lights and closed my eyes, hoping to drift off. By this point I'd been awake for a very LONG time and did start to nod off when all of a sudden I felt a pop, and a gush of warm fluid and realized MY WATER BROKE. I paged the nurse and she came in to confirm that yes, my membranes had indeed ruptured spontaneously. She said labor should progress faster now (I think at this point she told me I was a "tight 3").... but she was wrong. I should tell you at this point too that they decided to hook me up to an internal contraction monitor and put a fetal scalp electrode on the baby since they kept loosing her heartbeat (especially when I'd roll to my left side, so I spent the vast majority of labor on the right so she wouldn't compress the cord).
At about 5:30 AM Dr Smith gave the go ahead to start me on a pitocin drip. They started me out at 4 units (I assume a normal starting dose) and I immediately felt the intensity of the contractions increase (I could still feel pressure, wiggle my toes and move my legs some). I decided now was definetly a good time to try to nap, because I figured my baby would be here in just a few hours. Wrong again, but now the story gets dramatic. At about quarter to 6am, just as I'm nodding off again, all sorts of alarms and buzzers start going off and there's a flood of nurses coming into my room, putting on oxygen mask on me, fliping me to my right side, messing with the IV (shutting off the pitocin, turning up the fluids), trying to stay calm so they don't alarm me, giving me a shot to calm down the contractions (they told me before they did it, thank goodness).... apparently my uterus was VERY sensitive to the pitocin. I was contracting VERY HARD and VERY FAST. The contraction monitor showed that the peaks of the contractions were about 30 or fewer seconds apart. At this point I'm so tired I'm not ally comprehending what's going on, but Christian is and the doctor is talking to him about the very really possibility of an EMERGENCY C section. I didn't really get scared until I saw Dr Smith, but she stayed until the contractions slowed and the baby was stable, and then explained to me how close we were to having to get the baby out in a matter of minutes (and no, there wouldn't have been time for a spinal, it would have been general anesthesia and I wouldn't have witnessed her birth).
They stopped the pitocin for an hour, but once that time was up they started me back on it, but at a much lower dose, 1 unit. The crazy pitocin contractions had dilated me from my "almost 3" to a 5 in about 20 minutes, but once back on the pitocin at a lower level things progressed slowly again. They waited an hour after starting me on 1 unit to up it to 2 units, and then miraculously my contractions got nice and strong and productive and they could turn off the medicine. It was still only 9am though, still four hours to go.
At about this point my epidural ran out and as I waited for the anesthesiologist to come put a new bag on (which he told me almost never happens.... I don't know about that... was I really pushing the button that often?) the medicine wore off A LOT (it wasn't more than 15 minutes) and I started to be in some significant pain again. After about an hour on the new bag they paged anesthesia again and they came and gave me a MEGA DOSE of the medicine right into my epidural catheter. A little later they had to come give me another dose. I probably would have tolerate the epidural more and required fewer meds if I had me able to roll from side to side, but because of her umbilical cord placement if I layed on my left side her heart decelerated and I'd be flipped back to my right. As a result I was completely numb on the right side, and in minor pain on the left. I dealt with it.
Finally, at 11 am, the nurse came in and checked me and I was at a 9! Wahoo! She told me she would check in an hour, and then if I was fully dilated we'd start pushing. I was nervous, and starting to get a little overwhelmed (not to mention I hadn't really slept in 48 hours!). Then the baby's heart rate monitor started going haywire and I PANICKED! I was paging the nurses like crazy and they weren't coming in (ok, so maybe 2 minutes had passed, but I didn't want to loose my baby this late in the game!) so Christian went and got them. Apparently the baby's average heart rate was fine, the electrode they place was just slipping a little bit and causing the monitor to panic. The nurse got everything fixed though, and tried to calm me down. By this point I was beyond consolable. I was already crying, and my tears soon gave way to sobs and wails (this is so not like me by the way.... but I was in labor, what do you expect?). It took calling my Mom and Dad to calm me down, and then 20 minutes after I relaxed again they came in to check me and I was at a 10. SHOW TIME!!!!
At 9 cm I had asked them to turn the epidural down so I would be able to feel to push. This was a GREAT decision. I wasn't in pain between contractions, and I was able to feel the pain and pressure build so I knew when to push. Pusing was awesome and actually kind of fun because I could FINALLY DO SOMETHING to get my baby here. The pain of the contractions wasn't fun, but only until I started pushing, then I didn't feel it. My nurse and my doctor told me I was a natural at pushing (Thank you Discovery Health Channel! I watched a lot of birthing shows and read a lot of books! I wasn't running this marathon unprepared), but it took an hour to get the baby to really descend enough to crown. Once they could see a golf ball sized part of her head my doctor came in (I'm so glad it was during the day and he was in the office) and several more nurses. They put my feet in stirrups and with some excellent coaching from Christian (who by the way didn't go to any birthing classes and was FABULOUS ANYWAY) my doctor and my nurses, I pushed harder than ever (and apparently spit on the doctor exhaling from a BIG push... ooops) and FINALLY at 1:07 PM she made her entrance into the world. It was such an amazing feeling of relief when she slipped out and Christian said "Honey, she's out". Christian cut the cord and they handed her to me... and then things got interesting again....
She didn't cry. She hardly moved. She was BLUE. After only a few seconds holding her they snatched her away. A few seconds later they called a baby code and called respiratory and the neonatal resucitation team. It was the longest minute and a half of my entire life. All I could think was "after all of this, PLEASE let her make it". I didn't breathe, I didn't move, time practicaly stood still. Finally with some help she took a breathe and started to cry... and then I cried (and I'm crying again as I relive it). They weighed her, 6 lbs 6 ounces, and I gave the doctor a hard time since he told me at 40 weeks he thought she was about 7 3/4 pounds, and then they gave her to Christian. We took pictures, we were happier than ever, Granny came to see her, and then after a little while she and Christian went off to the nursery for an exam and a bath and a bow. They got me cleaned up and in a clean gown and settled in my post-partum room.
We had a few feeding difficulties in the first few days. She was tongue tied and the on call pediatrican blew me off about wanting to get her clipped. The second day in the hospital my pediatrician (LOVE Dr. Arnold at Alpine Pediatrics!!!!) came in and did it. She's nursed ok after that, but she did loose 9% of her birth weight and has to be given formula to supplement if she isn't satisfied after she nurses. I have actually given up on breast feeding at the breast, but I am pumping and bottle feeding her and seem to be producing enough milk. She's back up to about 6 lbs (up from 5 lbs 13 oz when she came home) and seems to be thriving well. I can't get over how much I love her, and how much I love Christian, and how much he loves us both. We've done a lot of talking and realized that it took having a baby to make us a real wife, a real husband, a real family. We know it won't always be easy to be parents and spouses, but we know it's worth it, and we love each other and our little princess.
I'm going to lay it all out there in this post. This is a no holds barred account of the labor and delivery of my first baby. If you're squeamish, bothered by personal details, pregnant and freaking out about it (you know who you are), or otherwise sensitive to birth stories, you might NOT want to read on. But... if you're comfortable, feel free to read on. It's a long post, and I've done it more for my own journaling purposes than for anyone else, but I feel compelled to share with whoever is inclined to read on.
A few photo's as a buffer! :-)
It's taken me awhile to sit down and write this, though I've been thinking about it for 10 days. In fact, I was lying there in labor thinking about it. Getting Joanna here was a very LONG process. As most of you know Christian and I decided to start our family back in April 2006 and it's taken this long to finally get our baby. The infertility road was a long one, but now that I've made it through I'm glad for my experiences because they have made me more compassionate and increased my faith in Heavenly Father and in waiting on HIS timing. My miscarriages really messed me up for a long time. They ripped me to shreds. But Joanna's arrival has put the pieces back together and mended my heart in such a way that though there are scars, I know I'm better for the experiences I've had. I'm eternally grateful for my husband who stuck by me through it all. There are many men out there who would not have stuck by their wives through years of struggles to have children, through the depression, the anger (often directed at him unintentionally) and the general emotional turmoil his wife was going through. It could have torn our marriage apart, but he didn't let it. Since the first miscarriage back in January of 2007 I have NOT been the woman that he married, but now that I feel like I've FINALLY gotten ME BACK, I'm falling in love with him all over again because I know the past 2 1/2 years have NOT been EASY on him. I'm realizing more and more each day how lucky I am to have chosen him for my eternal companion (and yes, I have been telling him these sorts of things several times a day for the past week).
I have been procrastinating writing this story, mostly because parts are very difficult to relive. It's important that I write it though, so here goes. It's a LONG story, but it was a LONG 44 hour labor!
Our story begins on the afternoon of August 4th 2009, my due date , at about 3 pm(ok... so technically it starts one fall evening in November 2008, but you don't want THAT piece of the story... or do you? hehe....). By 40 weeks of pregnancy I was beyond DONE. I was uncomfortable (there's the understatement of the year), I was TIRED, I was CRANKY, I was HOT and SWOLLEN and as I said I was D-O-N-E, DONE, DONE, DONE, and DONE with being pregnant. I went to see my obstetrician, Dr Bryan Watabe, that afternoon for my 40 week check up at which point he checked my cervix and informed me that once again I hadn't made any progress toward labor in the last week. I was almost mad at him, though it wasn't his fault, I was just a VERY pregnant lady. He asked if I wanted him to strip my membranes, but told me that though it's often affective in second and subsequent pregnancies at starting labor in 48 hours, it wasn't consistent at all with first time pregnancies... but I went ahead and had him do it anyway. After a long talk about how long I could last in my current state and discussing all the options and all the risks vs. benefits, we decided to schedule an elective induction for Thursday August 6th. As I said, I just wanted to not be pregnant anymore. I left the office feeling scared, and nervous and excited that in a few days I would finally NOT BE PREGNANT... oh yeah, and I'd have a baby too. :-)
On the way home from the doctor I started feeling crampy. Not bad cramps, but just like mild menstrual cramps. This had happend with pelvic exams earlier in my pregnancy though, so I didn't think much about it. Throughout the day the cramps got gradually worse. I continued about my daily activities though: cooking, cleaning, talking to friends and family on the phone about the scheduled induction. By 5 pm though the cramps were starting to be much more intense (like bad menstrual cramps now) so I went to put my feet up and watch TV with Christain. It kept on like this for awhile, and then the contractions started. At first they were very mild and very much like my Braxton Hicks contractions, just slightly painful (the practice contractions were uncomfortable, but never painful). They progressively got worse, and by 10 pm I started timing them- 10 to 15 minutes apart- and I thought it was probably false labor and would go away if I layed down. I timed them on and off until about 3am, at which time I switched on the light and Christian (who hadn't really slept much anyway) rolled over and asked if it was time to go to the hosptial. I hemmed and hawed about it (I did NOT want to go too soon), but he could tell my contractions were getting very close together, and after timing them for 10 minutes they were VERY close, about 1 to 3 minutes apart. At this point, about 3:30am or so he finally convinced me we should go in and just get things checked out. We arrived at the hospital at about quarter to 4 and were taken back to triage. They confirmed that yes, my contractions were indeed about 1-2 minutes apart, checked me (2 cm and 80% still... basically where I'd been for WEEKS), and said they'd keep me to observe my progress for an hour and then make a decision about whether or not to admit me. After an agonizing hour (those contractions HURT) they checked me again and to my frustation my cervix hadn't changed AT ALL. I was given something for the pain, and sent home. I thought I'd be really frustrated at being sent home, but it was actually great. The pain meds took the edge off and I was able to finally get a few hours of sleep, get something to eat, and just rest and relax (and Christian cancelled his plans and got Greg to come over and keep us company and stay just in case things got exciting again). By about 3 pm though the meds wore off and the crampyness started again,leading to full blown contractions shortly. They were further apart when they started up again, about 10 minutes, and still manageable. Untill about 7 pm that is. They progressively got closer and closer together and at about 8:45pm or so I decided to page the on call doctor and ask her what to do. I was nervous about going in because I didn't want to be sent home again, but as I struggled to talk through contractions coming every 4 or so minutes she convinced me to go in, and promised that since I was schedule for induction in the morning they would admit me, start an IV and my epidural to get me comfortable. She said they wouldn't worry about breaking my water or starting pitocin until 5 or 6 am, but hopefully I'd be able to relax and rest if I was no longer in pain. So we went to the hospital at about 10 pm and everything went as planned. The epidural was NOTHING compared to the contractions, and once it kicked in I was smiling and talking and joking again.
I tried to get some sleep, but even with the epidural my nervous anticipation was keeping me awake. Christian also tried to sleep, but had a similiar experience. My cervix STILL hadn't changed much, but was 90% effaced. My labor progressed very very slowly, but I watched SCRUBS DVD's and text messaged friends and family and just tried to keep my mind off what lay ahead.
At about 20 minutes before 2 am (August 6th now) I turned off the lights and closed my eyes, hoping to drift off. By this point I'd been awake for a very LONG time and did start to nod off when all of a sudden I felt a pop, and a gush of warm fluid and realized MY WATER BROKE. I paged the nurse and she came in to confirm that yes, my membranes had indeed ruptured spontaneously. She said labor should progress faster now (I think at this point she told me I was a "tight 3").... but she was wrong. I should tell you at this point too that they decided to hook me up to an internal contraction monitor and put a fetal scalp electrode on the baby since they kept loosing her heartbeat (especially when I'd roll to my left side, so I spent the vast majority of labor on the right so she wouldn't compress the cord).
At about 5:30 AM Dr Smith gave the go ahead to start me on a pitocin drip. They started me out at 4 units (I assume a normal starting dose) and I immediately felt the intensity of the contractions increase (I could still feel pressure, wiggle my toes and move my legs some). I decided now was definetly a good time to try to nap, because I figured my baby would be here in just a few hours. Wrong again, but now the story gets dramatic. At about quarter to 6am, just as I'm nodding off again, all sorts of alarms and buzzers start going off and there's a flood of nurses coming into my room, putting on oxygen mask on me, fliping me to my right side, messing with the IV (shutting off the pitocin, turning up the fluids), trying to stay calm so they don't alarm me, giving me a shot to calm down the contractions (they told me before they did it, thank goodness).... apparently my uterus was VERY sensitive to the pitocin. I was contracting VERY HARD and VERY FAST. The contraction monitor showed that the peaks of the contractions were about 30 or fewer seconds apart. At this point I'm so tired I'm not ally comprehending what's going on, but Christian is and the doctor is talking to him about the very really possibility of an EMERGENCY C section. I didn't really get scared until I saw Dr Smith, but she stayed until the contractions slowed and the baby was stable, and then explained to me how close we were to having to get the baby out in a matter of minutes (and no, there wouldn't have been time for a spinal, it would have been general anesthesia and I wouldn't have witnessed her birth).
They stopped the pitocin for an hour, but once that time was up they started me back on it, but at a much lower dose, 1 unit. The crazy pitocin contractions had dilated me from my "almost 3" to a 5 in about 20 minutes, but once back on the pitocin at a lower level things progressed slowly again. They waited an hour after starting me on 1 unit to up it to 2 units, and then miraculously my contractions got nice and strong and productive and they could turn off the medicine. It was still only 9am though, still four hours to go.
At about this point my epidural ran out and as I waited for the anesthesiologist to come put a new bag on (which he told me almost never happens.... I don't know about that... was I really pushing the button that often?) the medicine wore off A LOT (it wasn't more than 15 minutes) and I started to be in some significant pain again. After about an hour on the new bag they paged anesthesia again and they came and gave me a MEGA DOSE of the medicine right into my epidural catheter. A little later they had to come give me another dose. I probably would have tolerate the epidural more and required fewer meds if I had me able to roll from side to side, but because of her umbilical cord placement if I layed on my left side her heart decelerated and I'd be flipped back to my right. As a result I was completely numb on the right side, and in minor pain on the left. I dealt with it.
Finally, at 11 am, the nurse came in and checked me and I was at a 9! Wahoo! She told me she would check in an hour, and then if I was fully dilated we'd start pushing. I was nervous, and starting to get a little overwhelmed (not to mention I hadn't really slept in 48 hours!). Then the baby's heart rate monitor started going haywire and I PANICKED! I was paging the nurses like crazy and they weren't coming in (ok, so maybe 2 minutes had passed, but I didn't want to loose my baby this late in the game!) so Christian went and got them. Apparently the baby's average heart rate was fine, the electrode they place was just slipping a little bit and causing the monitor to panic. The nurse got everything fixed though, and tried to calm me down. By this point I was beyond consolable. I was already crying, and my tears soon gave way to sobs and wails (this is so not like me by the way.... but I was in labor, what do you expect?). It took calling my Mom and Dad to calm me down, and then 20 minutes after I relaxed again they came in to check me and I was at a 10. SHOW TIME!!!!
At 9 cm I had asked them to turn the epidural down so I would be able to feel to push. This was a GREAT decision. I wasn't in pain between contractions, and I was able to feel the pain and pressure build so I knew when to push. Pusing was awesome and actually kind of fun because I could FINALLY DO SOMETHING to get my baby here. The pain of the contractions wasn't fun, but only until I started pushing, then I didn't feel it. My nurse and my doctor told me I was a natural at pushing (Thank you Discovery Health Channel! I watched a lot of birthing shows and read a lot of books! I wasn't running this marathon unprepared), but it took an hour to get the baby to really descend enough to crown. Once they could see a golf ball sized part of her head my doctor came in (I'm so glad it was during the day and he was in the office) and several more nurses. They put my feet in stirrups and with some excellent coaching from Christian (who by the way didn't go to any birthing classes and was FABULOUS ANYWAY) my doctor and my nurses, I pushed harder than ever (and apparently spit on the doctor exhaling from a BIG push... ooops) and FINALLY at 1:07 PM she made her entrance into the world. It was such an amazing feeling of relief when she slipped out and Christian said "Honey, she's out". Christian cut the cord and they handed her to me... and then things got interesting again....
She didn't cry. She hardly moved. She was BLUE. After only a few seconds holding her they snatched her away. A few seconds later they called a baby code and called respiratory and the neonatal resucitation team. It was the longest minute and a half of my entire life. All I could think was "after all of this, PLEASE let her make it". I didn't breathe, I didn't move, time practicaly stood still. Finally with some help she took a breathe and started to cry... and then I cried (and I'm crying again as I relive it). They weighed her, 6 lbs 6 ounces, and I gave the doctor a hard time since he told me at 40 weeks he thought she was about 7 3/4 pounds, and then they gave her to Christian. We took pictures, we were happier than ever, Granny came to see her, and then after a little while she and Christian went off to the nursery for an exam and a bath and a bow. They got me cleaned up and in a clean gown and settled in my post-partum room.
We had a few feeding difficulties in the first few days. She was tongue tied and the on call pediatrican blew me off about wanting to get her clipped. The second day in the hospital my pediatrician (LOVE Dr. Arnold at Alpine Pediatrics!!!!) came in and did it. She's nursed ok after that, but she did loose 9% of her birth weight and has to be given formula to supplement if she isn't satisfied after she nurses. I have actually given up on breast feeding at the breast, but I am pumping and bottle feeding her and seem to be producing enough milk. She's back up to about 6 lbs (up from 5 lbs 13 oz when she came home) and seems to be thriving well. I can't get over how much I love her, and how much I love Christian, and how much he loves us both. We've done a lot of talking and realized that it took having a baby to make us a real wife, a real husband, a real family. We know it won't always be easy to be parents and spouses, but we know it's worth it, and we love each other and our little princess.
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